Franklin P. Jones

All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband someday.

Mincing your words makes it easier if you have to eat them later.

Silence gives consent, or a horrible feeling that nobody's listening.

An atheist is one who hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his disbelief.

Most people like hard work. Particularly when they are paying for it.

The British have a remarkable talent for keeping calm, even when there is no crisis.

An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.

Ninety-eight percent of American homes have TV sets, which means the people in the other 2% have to generate their own sex and violence.

The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one.

An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.

Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his.

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values and witnesses.

The quickest and shortest way to crush whatever laurels you have won is for you to rest on them.

Anybody who finds it easy to make money on the horses is probably in the dog food business.

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.

Nothing produces such odd result as trying to get even.

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

Nothing's so apt to undermine your confidence in a product as knowing that the commercial selling it has been approved by the company that make it.

Untold suffering seldom is.

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.