Great Throughts Treasury

"Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence"

"Ringing wrong but similar numbers."

"Samson Agonistes: I test my bath before I sit, and I'm always moved to wonderment that what chills the finger not a bit is so frigid upon the fundament."

"Senator Smoot is an institute not to be bribed with pelf; he guards our homes from erotic tomes by reading them all himself."

"Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.) is planning a ban on smut. Oh rooti-ti-toot for Smoot of Ut. And his reverend occiput. Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut., Grit your molars and do your dut., Gird up your l__ns, Smite h_p and th_gh, We'll all be Kansas By and by."

"Silly girl, silver girl, draw the mirror toward you; time who makes the years to whirl adorned as he adored you."

"She took those pills from the pill concocter, and Isabel calmly cured the doctor."

"Smite, Smoot, be rugged and rough, Smut if smitten is front-page stuff."

"Senescence begins and middle-age ends the day your descendants outnumber your friends."

"Sleep is perverse as human nature, sleep is perverse as a legislature, sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, and where it is least desired, it loiters."

"Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going."

"Some people, and it doesn't matter whether they are paupers or millionaires, think that anything they have is the best in the world just because it is theirs."

"Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited."

"So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf, which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves."

"Someone invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumber, Ringing wrong but similar numbers."

"Some primal termite knocked on wood and tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today."

"Sure deck your lower limbs in pants; Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance? Have you seen yourself retreating?"

"Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them."

"Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker"

"The Bronx? No Thonx!"

"The camel has a single hump; The dromedary, two; or else the other way around, I'm never sure. Are you?"

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other, milk."

"The day your descendants outnumber your friends."

"The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift."

"Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,/ Is those things arms, or is they legs?/ I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me Us."

"Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I."

"Thar She Blows: Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year."

"The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you, how do, Isabel, now I'll eat you! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry. Isabel didn't scream or scurry."

"The ant has made himself illustrious through constant industry industrious. So what? Would you be calm and placid, if you were full of formic acid?"

"The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid, he had one eye in the middle of his forehead."

"The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control."

"The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin."

"The Pig, if I am not mistaken, gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig."

"The garden is a raging sea, the hurricane is snarling; oh, happy you and happy me! Isn't the lightning darling?"

"The one-L lama, he's a priest the two-L llama, he's a beast and I would bet a silk pyjama there isn't any three-L llama."

"The Lord in His wisdom made the fly, and then forgot to tell us why."

"The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure."

"The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if some kind of sin you must be pursuing, Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing."

"The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions."

"The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon, and gulped some grog from his pocket flagon, he fired two bullets, but they didn't hit, and Custard gobbled him, every bit."

"The song of canaries never varies, and when they're molting they're pretty revolting."

"The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat."

"The sky is now indelible ink, the branches reft asunder; but you and I we do not shrink; we love the lovely thunder."

"The wind will presently disappear."

"The taxes last us all year."

"The truth I do not stretch or shove when I state that the dog is full of love. I've also found, by actual test, a wet dog is the lovingest."

"The turtle lives twixt plated decks which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle in such a fix to be so fertile."

"Their joy needs another woe's to cushion it, say a puddle, and someone littler to push in it. They observe with glee the ballistic results of ice cream with spoons for catapults, and inform the assembly with tears and glares that everyone's presents are better than theirs. Oh, little women and little men, someday I hope to love you again, but not till after the party's over, so give me the key to the doghouse, Rover"

"The weather is so very mild that some would call it warm. Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child? Here comes a thunderstorm."

"The witch's face was cross and wrinkled, the witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled."