Great Throughts Treasury

This site is dedicated to the memory of Dr. Alan William Smolowe who gave birth to the creation of this database.

Judith Martin, née Perlman, pen name Miss Manners

American Journalist, Author and Etiquette Authority

"We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society."

"It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help."

"There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted."

"Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude."

"If you can't be kind, at least be vague."

"Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet."

"Growing up is the best revenge."

"When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable."

"The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet."

"Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue."