Great Throughts Treasury

"Never squat while wearing your spurs."

"Never was a nation founded and maintained without some kind of belief in something…and that is religion. Never mind what kind. But it’s got to be something or you will fail at the finish."

"No animal in the world gets quite as hungry as a Democrat. He would rather make a speech than a dollar."

"No element, no party, not even Congress or the Senate can hurt this country now; it’s too big. That’s why I can never take a politician seriously."

"No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he’s got a dog he’s got a friend and the poorer he gets the better friend he has."

"No man is great if he thinks he is."

"No mathematician in this country has ever been able to figure out how many hundred straw votes it takes to equal one legitimate vote."

"No nation ever had two better friends than we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans."

"No nation has a monopoly on good things. Each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt."

"No nation in the history of the world was ever sitting as pretty. If we want anything, all we have to do is buy it on credit. So that leaves us without any economic problem whatever, except perhaps some day to have to pay for them. But we are certainly not thinking about that this early. Yours for more credit and longer payments."

"No party is as bad as its leaders."

"No party is as bad as its state and national leaders."

"Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals."

"Nobody wants his cause near as bad as he wants to talk about his cause."

"None of them from any party are going to purposely ruin the country. They will all do the best they can."

"Nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated on."

"Nothing breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs."

"Nothing makes a man broad-minded like adversity."

"Nothing makes a man, or a body of men, as mad as the truth. If there is no truth in it, they laugh it off."

"Nothing makes people more alike than putting a dress suit on ’em."

"Nothing will spoil a big man’s life like too much truth."

"Nothing will upset a state economic condition like a legislature. It’s better to have termites in your house than the legislature."

"Nothing you can’t spell will ever work."

"Now everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it."

"Now here is a thing. I am in the movies. When there was so much talk of cleaning up the movies, there wasn’t a lawyer, or any other profession but what said, Why don't they clean those things up? My wife and children can't go to see 'em."

"Now I am not a sort of a lawyer detecting things, but that name sounds a little phoney. When one man writes all that's in a paper, and this only had three pages outside of legal notices, why naturally he has got to make it look like he had quite a staff, so he does like these big holding companies did when they was sending wires to help them keep on holding, why they signed any name they could think of. Now there ain't no man named 0. Z. Ide. He is as synthetic as the article."

"Now I am not unpatriotic, and I want to do my bit, so I hereby offer my services to my President, my country and my friends to do anything, outside of serving on a commission, that I can in this great movement. But you will have to give me some idea of where confidence is. And just who you want it restored to."

"Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs."

"Now let this end this lawyers thing or I will hire me a shyster lawyer and sue the legal record for deformation of character and if he is a good shyster lawyer, (of which there are many) I will get the damages. But that would be fighting you with your own fire and I don't want to take that advantage."

"Now these fellows in Washington wouldn't be so serious and particular if they only had to vote on what they thought was good for the majority of the people in the U.S. That would be a cinch. But what makes it hard for them is every time a bill comes up they have things to decide that have nothing to do with the merit of the bill. The principal thing is of course: What will this do for me personally back home?"

"Now they got such a high inheritance tax on 'em that you won't catch these old rich boys dying promiscuously like they did. This bill makes patriots out of everybody. You sure do die for your country if you die from now on."

"Now you offered an opinion in my business, but the minute a comedian offers an opinion in your business, I am out of place. Your business is sacred and no one should mention it only in the highest terms."

"Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest."

"Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States; they have not had one since Lincoln."

"Old Hollywood is just like a desert water in Africa. Hang around long enough and every kind of animal in the world will drift in for refreshments."

"On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does."

"Once a man wants to hold a Public Office, he is absolutely no good for honest work."

"One ad is worth more to a paper than forty editorials."

"One good thing about European nations: they can’t hate you so bad they wouldn’t use you."

"One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been."

"One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elected whether you want him or not. That’s why we call it democracy."

"One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young."

"One revolution is just like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next."

"One seldom ever remembers meeting a Vice-President."

"One thing about farmers’ relief: It can’t last long, for the farmers ain’t got much more to be relieved of."

"One thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else’s affairs."

"One wants recovery to start from the bottom, and the other wants it to start from the top. I don't know which is right. I've never heard of anybody suggesting that they might start it in the middle, so I hereby make that suggestion. To start recovery halfway between the two, because it's the middle class that does everything anyhow. But I don't know anything about it..."

"One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide."

"Only one way you can beat a lawyer in a death case. That is to die with nothing."

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U. S. Senators. There ought to be one day (just one) when there is open season on senators."