Great Throughts Treasury

"There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

"There is not a better day in the world to be spent than with a lot of wise old cowmen around barbecued beef, black coffee and good free holy beans."

"There is not a man in the country that can’t make a living for himself and family. But he can’t make a living for them and his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people."

"There is not a voter in America that twenty-four hours after any speech was made could remember two sentences in it."

"There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see that something is wrong but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again."

"There is nothing effeminate about this golf thing as played by these champion women."

"There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get him off the thing he was educated in."

"There is nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying doctor bills."

"There is nothing that makes a nation or an individual as mad as to have somebody say, “now this is really none of my business but I am just advising you.” If I sleep with a gun under my pillow, I don’t want somebody from across the street to “advise” me that I don’t need it."

"There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it."

"There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it."

"There is one thing in common with all revolutions (in fact they are pretty near like wars in that respect) nobody ever knows what they are fighting about."

"There is only one redeeming thing about this whole election. It will be over at sundown, and let everybody pray that it's not a tie, for we couldn't go through with this thing again."

"There is only one sure way of stopping war, that is to see that every “statesman” has the same chance to reflect after it’s over that these boys making “poppies” have had."

"There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education."

"There is people so excited over this election that they think the President has something to do with running this country."

"There is some talk of lowering (the income tax), and they will have to. People are not making enough to pay it."

"There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can't stand him quite that long."

"There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank."

"There is two types of larceny, Petty and Grand. They are supposed to be the same in the eyes of the law, but judges always put a little extra on you for Petty, which is kind of a fine for stupidness."

"There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics only get the job and hold it."

"There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket."

"There never was such a demand for speed, for less reason. There is not a one of us that couldn’t walk where we are going and then get there earlier than we have any business."

"There ought to be a law against anybody going to Europe until they had seen the things we have in this country."

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."

"There should be a tax on every man that wanted to get a government appointment or be elected to office. In two years that tax alone would pay our national debt."

"There should be one day when there is open season on senators."

"There wasn't any more truth in over half of what any so-called orator said. If it wasn't a Deliberate Lie, why it was an Exaggerated Falsehood."

"There wasn't any Republicans in Washington's day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no static, no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn't be great?"

"There will never be a time when the old horse is not superior to any auto ever made."

"There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

"There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, and that’s education."

"There’s the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign dealings are an open book. Generally a check book."

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the entire government working for you."

"There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education."

"There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book."

"There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works."

"These baccalaureate addresses given to graduates don’t offer ’em much encouragement outside of advising ’em to vote the straight Republican ticket."

"These dust storms.... Poor farmer spent a lifetime fixin' his farm and everything, goes out and looks down at it, and it's up above him."

"They are having quite an argument over (Treasury Secretary) Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon wants to cut the surtax on the rich, and leave it as is on the poor, as there is more poor than rich. I suppose the majority will win."

"They got such a high inheritance tax on ’em that you won’t catch these old rich boys dying promiscuously like they did. This bill makes patriots out of everybody. You sure do die for your country if you die from now on."

"They have passed the big inheritance tax, and that gets you when you are gone. You used to could die and be able to beat taxes, but not now. The undertaker don't go over your body as carefully as the assessor does your accumilated assets, and he gets his before the undertaker. They have it on these big fortunes now where they pay as high as 60 to 70 percent of what they leave. That's mighty expensive dying when it runs into money like that, and you won't see 'em dropping off as casually as they have been."

"They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."

"They ought to pass a rule in this country in any investigations if a man can’t tell the truth the first time he shouldn’t be allowed to try again."

"They used to take your horse and if they were caught they got hung for it. Now they take your car and if they are caught it's a miracle."

"They want peace. But they want a gun to get it with."

"They were very religious people that come over here from the old country. They were very human. They would shoot a couple of Indians on their way to every prayer meeting."

"Things ain't what they used to be and never were."

"Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it."

"Things will get better-despite our efforts to improve them."